Chapter Text
Most people agreed that Blitzø was easily the least dependable person in hell. More often than not, he forgot to text people back, leading them to believe he was face-down dead in a ditch somewhere. When they needed help, he usually messed it up in some way that ended in tears. But one thing Blitzø never did, was go back on his word. Despite having been thrown away by Stolas, a part of him clung to the promise he made. An ugly, disappointing part of himself needed to keep it.
He said he would protect Stolas and Octavia. He tried. He is trying. “He won’t listen to me the-“ Blitzø swallowed back the desire to cuss Stolas out and to call him every awful name under the moon. “I showed up this morning, got maybe two words out of my mouth, and he teleported me away. Who does that pompous, rich asshole think he is? he can’t just take control of me like that!”
“At first, sir, I believed Millie and I might be able to discuss things with him. However, when we went to the palace, we were removed from the premises,” Moxxie winced. “Whatever you did, he is not happy.”
”Me? What I did?!” He yelled, “He’s the one who treated me like a sex doll for months, then all of a sudden was all, Oh Blitzø, I want you to stay with me because you want to. After, basically, not giving me a choice to leave or stay!” He ranted, “He never ever told me he was catching feelings. It was the opposite; I was crying in his car, and he was trying to f*ck me.”
”I very much doubt that.” Moxxie raised his eyebrows, and Blitzø huffed.
”Well, that’s what it felt like! We went on that sh*tty da- that sh*tty… thing together at Ozzies. After, he’s all like, Come inside to cuddle, which... come on, I’ve played that game a million times. I always say we’ll put on Hellflix and watch a movie, but what I really mean is that I will rail you until the credits start. It’s basic hooking up code language.”
“And how many hookups does the prince have?”
“You know what, Moxxie? I’m not liking this f*cking attack on my character right now. That’s it.” Blitzø pulled his gun out of his pocket and checked the clip, groaning when he found it half empty. He started to root around the inside of his desk, his gloves scrabbling for his loose bullets. ‘I’m going down there.”
”He won’t let you in,” Moxxie argued.
”I’m going down there!” He yelled, and Millie rested a hand on Moxxie’s shoulder and silently left the office.
“Blitzø-” Moxxie started, “I know time is something we can’t afford to give him. But he needs it.” Blitzø tucked each bullet into his gun; the only indication he was listening was the slight fumble as he did so, “judging by his reaction, I think you hurt his feelings.”
”He hurt my f*cking feelings!” Blitzø yelled, “Watch them stop me; I’ll kill his entire staff. He is going to let me the f*ck in, I’ll take every one of his Imp petshostage!” Moxxie stepped forward and smacked the gun from Blitzø‘s hands, and before he could scream at him for it, he had Blitzø by the shoulders.
“You can waste time trying to talk to him, or we can prevent what is about to happen,” Moxxie gritted out. “Think of it like…the Imp who cried wolf! Half of the time you only speak about sex with him, the other half is arguing. He doesn’t want to deal with either right now, and has assumed you wish to argue. He has no idea this is serious. But, because you have cried wolf essentially, he will not listen.”
“I don’t even speak f*cking dog, Moxx. All I know is, I have to talk to him!” Blitzø‘s voice betrayed him, squeezing from his throat as if he were being choked. “If we don’t do something, he is going to f*cking die!” He screamed, “…f*ck,”
”Blitzø… I think you’re panicking,” Moxxie said, and Blitzø tried his best to yell something back. Maybe tell him, Yeah, no sh*t, you’re a genius observer, Moxx. But he was thinking of what to do.
What could he, a pathetic little Imp, do against even one Goetia? He had seen Stolas’s power up close and personal and felt fear as the darkness enveloped the air around him, snarling, flickering sharp chunks like black fire, turning the air stiflingly hot with magic. Blitzø couldn’t go up against the Goetia, against Stolas’s bitch ex-wife and her c*nt brother.
For a moment, Blitzø thought about his mother. And that led to him thinking of Fizz. “There has to be one good f*cking rich asshole in hell,” Blitzø gritted out. “They can’t all be awful... Someone has to help him. They can’t do this; it’s not fair!” His throat burned, and with each yell being torn from it, he gripped the skin around his neck.
”Blitzø,” Moxxie steadied him again, hands gripping his jacket, “Why don’t you care about yourself?”
“The f*ck is that supposed to mean, dick?”
“We figured out some elaborate master plan, and you’ve not once mentioned your involvement. We… Stolas needs you to care. I care. I care that they are coming after I.M.P. My life is in this office, my friends,” he said, looking at Blitzø, “I know overlords and the Goetia probably don’t deserve our help, but I want to give it, anyway.”
“Half of those dickbags’ only crimes are being rich and self-absorbed. If the bottom line is being those things, I’m already half way there,” his mouth twitched. "I just need a little more money, and I might be able to match those pricks. Okay… I think the first order of business... we need to find that woman.” Blitzø sucked in a breath. “You’re right, bugging Stolas won’t get us anywhere. He has his head so far up inside his cloaca that he can only hear his own guts churning. Any ideas?” Blitzø grabbed the photo, and Moxxie took it gently.
”A woman and two children,” Moxxie said, “can’t make out the children; they’re scratched out in the picture. But the woman... looks Greed native. It’s no coincidence that the photograph was found with the letter.”
”Trace the woman in the photo. We have a new objective. Okay, let’s get out of this office; I can see at least three suspicious stains and a horny co*ckroach eyeing me up.”
Two hours prior
Blitzø wasn’t sure how to open the talk with Stolas. He saw the book clutched in his hands and thought about maybe asking what he was reading. Then he saw the gown draping off of his shoulder, caressing his thigh, and considered a dirty opener, but knew Stolas would probably lose his temper if he did. “Stolas…” Stolas flinched behind his book and slowly lowered it.
Blitzø was expecting a lot of things on his face. Surprise, mostly. Maybe hope. He did not expect the hatred; his glare was so sharp and so hot that Blitzø instantly dropped his eyes to his feet, scuffing them in the mud. He was familiar with seeing that look from Verosika, Barbie, Fizz, and even his own father. He never thought Stolas would look at him the way they did.
”You have three seconds,” Stolas told him.
”You‘re going to listen to me, bitch—“ Blitzø’s stomach lurched, and he crashed forward, yelping as his stomach slammed into his desk and sent his documents flying across the room. He groaned, his head spinning in circles as he tried to adjust to the sudden dark lighting. “The f*ck, Stolas?” He mumbled, and then he saw the poster on the wall, and anger shot up his spine.
”Sir? What happened…”
”Stolas kicked me out!’
”Let me and Millie try.”
So, convincing Stolas of his elaborate new murder plot went out of the window, and now Blitzø was stuck looking over thousands of pictures of the residents in Greed. Moxxie had mentioned, however, that a lot of people in Greed weren’t documented due to the massive amount of crime. It was likely the person in the photograph could be a crime boss's wife, which meant he wouldn’t find her no matter how hard he looked.
”What about that dick, Crimson?” Blitzø asked suddenly, and the entire room fell into awkward silence. “Hear me out; he’s gotta have more records of Greed residents. Especially, hot ass mafia wives,” he waved the picture. “We go in there, have a little sneaky look at his sh*t, and leave again. No talking needed, in fact, we could even stage some bait.”
”bait?” Millie frowned, and Blitzø grinned and gestured to himself, “Blitzø… that it is far too dangerous.”
”I’ve escaped him twice now. He's so easy. Trust me, they’ll be capturing me on the spot, so it’s not like they’ll have fancy stuff set up to keep me there. I cause a big hoo hah, you and Moxxie can sneak in and get the files. Loona, you can stand by in case I can’t get out. We’ll time it, and if I don’t free myself after a few hours, I will send the signal for Loonie to come get me. Kay?” Everyone looked at each other, and he added, “I’ll hide a spare knife on myself. It’ll be a piece of cake.”
”My father keeps the files in a guarded area of his home... It would be easier if everyone was lured away by Blitzø,” Moxxie admitted, “but maybe don’t give yourself up. Just get spotted nearby, and they’ll follow you.”
“Alright, gang, all in.” Blitzø held out his hand, and everyone, one by one, started to place their hands on each other. "One, two, three, I jerked off today with his hand, woo!” Moxxie yelped and rubbed his hand against his suit, glaring at Blitzø but after catching his happy, joking expression, his glare fell away, and he smiled, rolling his eyes.
